The call of the North
Why is my blood mysteriously pulling me towards North? Maybe the unexplainable connection to Lapland is something I was born with. My journey to the long lost home.
"my way was always going to be North"
About seven years ago I took a large tattoo of a compass, meaning, that my way was always going to be North. At that point, I had moved about 500 km up North, still very South looking from up here. The fact that I left, felt like the best decision, I had ever made. For as long as I remember, I had been waiting for leaving my birth place and finding my own home. After that, I had only one direction and it felt good.
"my dark heritage"
All of my family originally come from the lost lands. The area was given up because of war and people had to leave their homes. The most meaningful wins as well as the biggest strategic losses of the war happened in that specific area. They say, that being a part of this escaped nation, is to feel things extremely deep. I certainly do, but I have the hardest shell, so it won't be visible for many. Someone once said about me "an ice cube was born in the middle of summer". Maybe this piece of ice, needed to find an arctic place to live and feel whole.
Is it true that pain can pass from generation to another? That I don't know, but for me, something was definitely missing from the beginning. Can it be heritage burning my soul?
When it comes to the northern nations, they certainly carry a weight of contempt, suffering and other issues of their history and still continue to fight for their rights today. There might be something in my dark heritage, that connects me with these people.
"There is nothing there anymore"
I have always wanted to see the lost home, the northern shore of the giant lake. My relatives say "It's not worth it. There is nothing there anymore." I understand that the empty villages can seem hollow and the fact that the area is not a part of our country anymore, can create resentment. In the end, I don't want to return to the past, I just want to see it and feel it once. I have always been a person, that creates their own path. But still, I sometimes wonder, what the passed relatives would say. I mean the ones, that lived most of their lives in that place.
"walking on the soil of other nations"
In the end, that place is a home for others now and I accept it. I am walking on the soil of other nations too, even if we are all Finnish. Their traditions, their history... I would never take anything away from them. The way people look at life here in Northern Lapland, it speaks to me. I love the easy-going mindset. The interests I have, are the same with many locals. I hope it is okay for me to embrace their home, cause ours is gone.
"something similar with the people here, in Northern Lapland"
Anyway, I was born in the middle of lakes, in Eastern Finland, the place where our family started a new life. I am a child that grew up running in the forests and swimming in the lakes. I have no fear in the nature, it is a part of me. The endless wilderness areas of Lapland speak to me more than any nature elements I have come across.
They say as a joke, that people grow twisted there. Maybe my folk has some cunning features, but they are also very straight forward. People from my home place say things out loud, that many others would not. There is something similar with the people here, in Northern Lapland.
"a part of the heritage"
For some reason, I can never feel like home in a place, that has no water element. This might be a part of the heritage, something I got used to as a child or just my preference, but it's not the only thing. I need highlands, hills or mountains to climb on top of. From the heights you can see as far as your eye is able to and that is the feeling, that gives me peace. Flat ground does not feel like home to me. Lapland has mountains, rivers and lakes, that are the most beautiful ones I have ever seen. Also, there is something special in this place, I believe the lost lands have too; silence.
"my kind of people"
For some amazing reason, people here, have accepted me better, than anyone. I was never with my kind of people before. I have felt feelings towards this place and people, that I have never felt before. Standing on top of a fell, for the first time, I knew where I belonged. I was supposed to do something here. "I am not leaving this place" is a phrase from my mouth, and something people keep assuring me about. I could not be more grateful.
"nothing will ever change the fact where I came from and who I am"
After all, no matter how long I live here, nothing will ever change the fact where I came from and who I am. There are important people and places for me in my past, that I will always visit, but this really is my home and my future. Falling for this place before knowing any people from here, means, I am here just for me, no one else.
And what is funny about all this, is that I came here to spend two weeks in the wilderness, not having a slightest idea, that I was never going back. Back then, I couldn't imagine living in the middle of nowhere, I mean, in the middle of everything. Now, I could not imagine living anywhere else.